Trading a 3 Wisemen for 1 Wise Woman

Hey.

I'm thirty. Almost instantly upon reaching this elderly age, I felt wise. I felt the wisdom rush through my veins and arteries with every contraction of my heart. A Wise beat. Since 21, I brought in my birthday with a shot in hand. For 9 years, I started each birthday with 80 proof or better on my lips-- at least 5 times whiskey. This year, I think I knew I was going to instantly become wise and decided at 29.999 years old to forego the shot. Instead, I started a new tradition. Pineapples. I plan to eat pineapples at 12am June 8th for the remainder of my natural life. 

I'm wise as f$%&.

When Almost Counts

Trying to make a barricade you put your arms in an 'X'

But he keeps coming and keeps coming though you're pushing hard on his neck

And he keeps coming and keeps coming and you're feeling his breath

And he keeps coming and keeps coming despite your heels in his chest

All that is left

Is the awe he neglects

Your call to request he leaves

Screaming 'please' but it dissolves to the deaf

But eventually he retreats like he almost forgets

He was in the midst of creating you a full list of regrets

'I shoulda left him alone'

'I shouldn'ta called'

'I shoulda knew he was no good'

A Wish is a Wish

I always wanted to be in a movie
And I got a role as an extra
I want to see the whole country
And my daddy bought me an atlas
Told my friend I want to be rich
I won monopoly that night
I seem to get everything I want
But I am never satisfied
I didn't specify

That I want to be the starring role on a big screen
I want to drive from Dallas up to Poughkeepsie
I don't want to stay in Friday night 'cause my bank account is low
I have to be clearer with my wishes if I'm gonna get what I wish for

I said I want to be surprised one time on my birthday
I was shocked when they all forgot
I hoped my tired body got a little rest
Then on Monday, I slept through my alarm clock
I was late to work and I wished I wouldn't catch any red lights
Everything was green but there was wreck on 65
I seem to get everything I want
But I'm never satisfied
I didn't specify

That I just wanted to party with some of my closest friends
And on the next Saturday morning I wanted to sleep in
And I didn't want to be late so I needed an open road
I have to be clearer with my wishes if I'm gonna get what I wish for

I wanted to find a love I could love till my love ran out
I fell for someone I couldn't call my own
I craved passion a relationship full of desire
It was dysfunctional
I prayed to God to recognize a love
Then I saw it exit of my life
I didn't specify

That I want to be in love with someone who's in love with me
That I want a crazy relationship that is happy and healthy
The kind of love that I'd see if I was blind on a pitch black night
But I didn't specify
I ain't gonna do that any more
I will be clearer with my wishes 'cause I get what I wish for